I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
last night I used snow as a chaser
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
