Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
