Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
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My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
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I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
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