i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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