That's when you crack a 10am beer
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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