Nicole vs. Life
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
