Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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