3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
