imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Randomize
