He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
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She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
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Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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