i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
