i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
