I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
