i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
