i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
