Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
