This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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