also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
