3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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