you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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