Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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