he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
