dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
