It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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