could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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