well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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