i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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