oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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