got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
