Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
how drunk are you?
Several
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
