I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
