Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
