I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Randomize
