I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
