my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
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