Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
