I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
