hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
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