no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
