I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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