and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize