Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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