I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
