I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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