my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
