Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
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