I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
