If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
this beer tastes like vomit already
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
