margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
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