we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
