You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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