its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
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