did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I just blew my weed a kiss
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Randomize
