Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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