sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
