I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
