I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Randomize
