he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
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Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
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Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
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