Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I want to make a zoo with you.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
