this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
