then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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