wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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