I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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