dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
