my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Less talking, more tequila
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
