glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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