they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
