he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
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